>>>> [Notice found on door of Apartment 202]

Faraday Arms Noise Citation

    You and/or the resident(s) of your apartment have been found in violation of the noise level agreement of your lease. Repeated violations may result in legal action. Please take whatever steps are required to remedy this situation.

Date: November 14, 9:30 PM.

Complainant(s): Video footage.

Source of Concern: “Tank Fight Night.”

Description:

At the time and date in question, Mr. Mamono was seen exiting the apartment. He then whispered an unintelligible phrase at the entrance to Apartment 207, followed by a declaration shouted down the hallway that “the savorys of the Fragaday Ark have earned their kelp” and that “Noggin shall never degout such sacred holes.” It is to be noted at this time that Mr. Mamono was exceptionally drunk. Ms. Justice was then seen exiting the apartment in an attempt to wrangle Mr. Mamono into accordance with Faraday Arms decency protocols, to no effect. Mr. Mamono then attempted to knock on the door of Apartment 203, the residence of Mrs. Patterson, using his horns. This was followed by either an apology for some imagined ruckus the previous night or a question about borrowing her housekeeping drone. Mrs. Patterson did not answer the door at any point during this, as she was not home at the time. Ms. Justice then succeeded in coercing Mr. Mamono into returning to the apartment with the promised use of the “Borkerator”, a form of heavy assault tank in the game “Tank Fight 2000”.

Mr. Mamono, I have already discussed this matter with your roommate, but your dangerous activities are to be curtailed. While successfully acquiring the funds for your rent is indeed a cause for celebration, I must remind you that these funds must not be gained through the use of thuggery or theft. Please consult Ms. Justice on any such employment if you are uncertain as to what qualifies. If this or any future rental payment is found to be forged, stolen, or otherwise of illegal nature, your rental agreement will be nullified and the ZDF will be notified. Do not attempt deception, Mr. Mamono. Your secrets are always laid bare to me. Oh yes, I know all about your failure to sort any recyclables from the regular garbage in the months of March to May 2075 (inclusive).

Your rent is due in 28 days. Try not to spend it all on beer beforehand.

Signed,

  Arthur Line

Arthur Line

Landlord and Proprietor

Faraday Arms, Denver

“Imo herme.”