Janus - Google Spell Check Wants to AutoCorrect to "Orgasmic Ally"

Warm sunlight. Cool grass, slightly damp. Itch on my left leg where a blade of grass tickles it. There's a lump in the dirt under my right buttocks, but a soft one. A faint wind brushes cool and moist from behind me and slightly to the right. It whispers through pine needles, carrying the scene of Christmas trees and rot and flowers from some place far away.

The hilt of the knife is cool in my hand. It's gently curved handle fits flawlessly into my palm, the bone polished smooth against my hand. The monofilament blade slides easily into the wood, the stick held in my left hand. I move my hand quickly easily, gently slipping it through delicate layers of cedar, shaving off layer after layer, peeling back the rings of age.

A cloud comes over the sun. The air cools. Everything goes quiet. The damp grass seems troublesome. I squint at the wood in my hand. I whittle by feel.

The cloud rolls off of the sun. It's bright rays shine orgasmically down again. The heat of the sun washes down as the cool damp grass washes up.

Time stands still, there, in the clearing. The single piece of wood, whittling whittling whittling. It never seems to get smaller. There is only the rasping feel of passing the blade through the stick, the coolness of the grass, the chill of a passing cloud. The flutter of a butterfly's wings. The tickling of an ant crawling into my boot.

There is only peace. Peace and the bliss of the sun's rays.

The sun is gone. There is darkness. Standing in a puddle. Reflection of neon lights above. Warped. Turned yellow. The smell of urine and vomit.

The cedar is reassuring in my hand. It is finished. The rings of age carved down to a single, deadly point.

A growl from the shadows. I stalk towards them. Red eyes glow from the shadows. The glint of teeth.

Vampires.

I raise my right arm. The neon signs glint off of it. "The ARES PREDATOR v: Now with 10% more killing!" It reads backwards and warped, wrapped around my arm.

My hand folds away. Behind it, the light of the sun shines out.

The vampires are lit up, hunching over their prey. Blood drips down their chins. The red glow becomes a dot.

They begin to sparkle. It's worse than I thought.

I charge towards them. Foot slips in a puddle. Falling. Crashing into the fluids on the ground. The smell all around, pervading, soaking into clothes and noses and hair.

Grinning mouths staring down. Sparkling faces, uncannily smooth. Leaning over. Coming towards me. Jaws unhinging, maws full of fangs, reaching down, snarling, thirsting for blood.

Flesh ripped from my throat. Agony as chunks of flesh ripped, not cut. Blood spurting up. The coppery smell overwhelms the urine. The Ares sign becomes dull as the blood slowly fades away.

The lights go black.

Warm sunlight. Cool grass, slightly damp. Itch on my left leg where a blade of grass tickles it....